Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
