ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
