I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
