I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
