grandma shit on top of the toilet
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
