that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
