I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
