Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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