Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
