On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
