R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
