the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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