Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
