I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Floor bacon is actually really good
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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