why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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