I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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