so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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