I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
