Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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