What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize