I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
