Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
