If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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