i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize