life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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