i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
