I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
