I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
