DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
