the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
