I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
BRING THE BAGELS
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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