I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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