Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(563): View more from Iowa

The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.

Fav 15 4939 1416
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights

Fav 6 2341 851
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(240): View more from Maryland

I swear they were about to hook up!!

(1-240): View more from Maryland

I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.

Fav 5 2127 870
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(406): View more from Montana

Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile

Fav 2 1147 1098
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(706): View more from Georgia

I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.

Fav 9 1159 671
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(630): View more from Illinois

When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?

Fav 0 617 518
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(317): View more from Indiana

Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special

Fav 2 91 15
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(204): View more from Manitoba

My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..

Fav 0 15 23
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