He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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