I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
