Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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