You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
