Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
