Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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