..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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