dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
