when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
