i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
