I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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