I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
