You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
