You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Send help, water and tortillas.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize