I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
