She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
