im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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