that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
