I think my fart just growled at me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
