My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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