Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
