wakey wakey hands off snakey
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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