I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
