I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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