o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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