i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
