i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
