Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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