you would pick up someone in the library
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
