we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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