I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
