Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We are two peas in an std pod
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
