Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
