If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
