so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
