Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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