You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
