Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
