Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
