If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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