i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
