do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
