Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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