i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
