u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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