That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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