i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
