We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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