honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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