Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I want her autograph on my taint
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
