I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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