Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
