his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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